June is Alzheimer's & Brain Health Awareness Month, making it the perfect time to talk about one of the most common and emotional questions families face.

A woman recently asked me: "My mom and I are the main caregivers for my dad with dementia. We'd love for Mom to come on our family summer vacation, but Dad can't travel. Mom feels guilty leaving him. Any tips?"

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. In fact, this question comes up every summer in one form or another. A wife doesn't want to leave her husband. A daughter feels torn between supporting her parent and protecting her own family time. Everyone worries about what could happen if the primary caregiver steps away.

And underneath it all is one powerful emotion: guilt. But here's what dementia experts, aging specialists, and caregiver advocates want families to know:

Taking a break isn't abandoning someone you love. In many cases, it's one of the healthiest things a caregiver can do—for themselves and for the person they're caring for.

The Reality of Dementia Caregiving in America

Dementia affects millions of families. According to the Alzheimer's Association, approximately 7.2 million Americans age 65 and older are living with Alzheimer's disease in 2025, and that number is expected to grow significantly as the population ages.

Behind those 7.2 million individuals are family members providing care every day. The Alzheimer's Association estimates that nearly 13 million family members and friends provide unpaid care for people living with Alzheimer's disease or other dementias.

Those caregivers collectively provide more than 19 billion hours of unpaid care annually, care valued at hundreds of billions of dollars.

Think about that for a moment. Most dementia care in America isn't provided in facilities. It's provided around kitchen tables, in living rooms, at doctor's appointments, during sleepless nights, and by spouses and adult children doing their best every day.

Women Are Carrying Much of the Load

The Statistics have a staggering effect on women in particular. More than 60% of Alzheimer's and dementia caregivers are women. The Alzheimer's Association reports that more than three out of five unpaid dementia caregivers are women, and many are daughters caring for a parent or wives caring for a spouse.

Women also tend to provide more hours of care than men and are more likely to make career sacrifices because of caregiving responsibilities.

In many families, the story goes like this: Mom has become the primary caregiver. The children help when they can. But Mom is carrying most of the responsibility and often most of the worry.

Why Caregivers Feel So Guilty

When you've spent months or years caring for someone with dementia, it can feel impossible to step away. Caregivers often tell me:

• "Nobody knows his routine like I do."
• "What if something happens?"
• "What if he gets confused?"
• "What if he thinks I've abandoned him?"
• "What if I don't enjoy myself because I'm worried the whole time?"

These fears are completely understandable. Research consistently shows that dementia caregivers experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression, sleep disruption, and caregiver burden than many other caregiving populations.One recent study found that approximately 32% of dementia caregivers report high levels of caregiver strain. Yet despite these challenges, relatively few caregivers take advantage of respite care services. Many simply keep pushing forward until they become exhausted.

The Hidden Cost of Never Taking a Break

Here's something many caregivers don't hear often enough: Your health matters too. Researchers have spent decades studying the impact of caregiving on physical and mental health. One of the most discussed studies found that spouses of people with dementia were about six times more likely to develop dementia themselves than spouses whose partners did not have dementia.

The findings made headlines, often summarized as: "Caregivers have a 600% higher risk of developing dementia." That's not exactly what the research proved. The study did not show that caregiving causes dementia. However, researchers believe several factors may contribute to the increased risk- especially for spouses. 

• Chronic stress
• Sleep deprivation
• Social isolation
• Depression
• Increased inflammation
• Neglecting personal health
• Shared lifestyle and health factors between spouses

In other words, years of putting yourself last can take a toll. This is one reason Alzheimer's experts increasingly talk about protecting the caregiver's brain health—not just the brain health of the person living with dementia.

Reframing the Vacation

The first step is changing the conversation. Instead of asking: "Should Mom leave Dad?" Ask: "What does Mom need to stay healthy enough to continue caring for Dad?" Those are two very different questions. A reminder that Mom is still a wife, mother, grandmother, friend, and individual—not just a caregiver. The Alzheimer's Association and National Institute on Aging both emphasize that respite care is an important part of sustainable caregiving. A vacation can provide:

• Better sleep
• Reduced stress
• Time with children and grandchildren
• Social connection
• Emotional renewal

Caregivers need care too. Five Ways to Make the Trip Possible

1. Build a Temporary Care Team

The National Institute on Aging recommends identifying support systems before a crisis occurs. The best plans create layers of support rather than relying on a single person. Possible options include:

• Adult children
• Extended family
• Professional home care aides
• Adult day programs
• Respite programs
• Trusted friends
• Faith community volunteers

2. Do a Trial Run

This helps everyone build confidence and identify potential challenges before the larger trip. Before a week-long vacation, try:

• An afternoon away
• An overnight stay
• A weekend trip

3. Create a Care Binder

The more information available, the less stressful the transition becomes. Include:

• Medication schedules
• Physician contact information
• Daily routines
• Favorite foods
• Activity preferences
• Calming techniques
• Emergency contacts

4. Introduce Caregivers Gradually

If professional caregivers will be helping while Mom is away, start introducing them before the trip. Familiar faces can make a significant difference for someone living with dementia.

5. Consider a Care Coordinator

Many families don't realize there are professionals who specialize in coordinating situations exactly like this. Also known as geriatric care managers, who help older adults and families navigate complex care situations. A Care Professional can:

• Assess care needs
• Coordinate home care
• Create contingency plans
• Identify respite resources
• Monitor care while family is away
• Serve as a local emergency contact

Think of them as a project manager for aging and caregiving. For many families, having a professional overseeing the plan dramatically reduces anxiety and guilt.

What If Dad Doesn't Want Mom to Go?

This is often the hardest part. People living with dementia may become anxious about changes in routine. The key is preparation. We generally recommend:

• Introducing changes gradually
• Keeping routines consistent
• Using simple, reassuring language
• Avoiding repeated discussions that increase anxiety
• Instead of saying: "Mom is leaving for a week." Try: "Jamie will be here helping this week. Everything is taken care of, and we'll all be together again soon." Simple reassurance often works better than lengthy explanations.

A Question Every Caregiver Should Ask

When guilt starts to creep in, ask: "What would Dad want for Mom if he could fully understand the situation?" Most caregivers become emotional when they answer. Because deep down, they know. Most spouses would want their partner to:

• Stay healthy
• Get enough rest
• Maintain friendships
• Spend time with family
• Experience joy
• Continue making memories

This summer, let's remember something important:

Dementia care is not a solo journey. More than 7 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's disease. Nearly 13 million family members are helping care for them. More than 60% of those caregivers are women. And many of those women are quietly carrying enormous responsibilities every single day.

If your mother has been caring for your father with dementia for months or years, a one-week family vacation is not selfish.

It may be exactly what she needs to continue the journey ahead. Taking a break isn't giving up. Accepting help isn't failing. Planning for respite isn't selfish, it's one of the most responsible acts of caregiving there is.

Sources

Alzheimer's Association

2025 Alzheimer's Disease Facts & Figures

Women and Alzheimer's Disease

Caregiver Health and Respite Care Resources
https://www.alz.org

National Institute on Aging (NIA)

Caregiving and Respite Care Resources
https://www.nia.nih.gov

AARP & National Alliance for Caregiving

Caregiving in the United States Report
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving

Aging Life Care Association®

Aging Life Care Professionals® and Care Management Resources
https://www.aginglifecare.org

Journal of the American Geriatrics Society

Greater Risk of Dementia When a Spouse Has Dementia